The 'Talking To Kids' Gawkiness Factor

Right,  I have now managed to break all my new year resolutions, successfully. My hands have involuntarily opened that bag of chips (evidence duly destroyed), I haven't stepped into my gym this year (this has been trending since sometime last year, but who's counting), though monthly payments are promptly made (this is the second organisation I support and no tax benefit even) and yes I have forgotten my blog a bit.

To think you can keep your blog alive and fresh everyday is being too ambitious. My life is not interesting, far from it. I have to rely on  my 5 year old for fodder for this blog and if I do that a tad too many times, I might come off as an obsessive mother; I think I am borderline obsessive already. For a girl who is not fond of kids, oh come on, it's not that I hate them, I am just very awkward around them.

When I pick up Kicky at the kindergarten, I see how other parents are so cool around kids, asking them questions and saying funny things. 'Oooh did you have a great time at ski scool today' 'Yaaay! We did!' Seems simple right. Not quite.

First of all I have this default look on my face, which seems to say, 'Lay off, unless you want to get punched in the face' I was born like that, my face looks grumpy, stern, serious, about 90% of the time. My actual feelings don't seem to manifest on my face instantly, so I know, I look a bit intimidating.
Sometimes I conciously remember to relax my face and maybe smile a little. Then I look like a psycho who has escaped the loony bin, and suddenly people are walking on the other side of the road to avoid an awkward ineteraction with the crazy lady.

The other hurdle is of course the language. My comprehension and knowledge of Norwegian probably is still at toddler level. I am quite sure they (the toddlers) know more words than I do, so basically I am one notch above a 2 year old in the 'dada dada' phase and a level lower than a bumbling village idiot.
One day on my out of the kindergarten I meet Kicky's friend who is coming in with her dad. She says something to me in norsk, in all that she said, I just heared 'Innika'. I reply, 'Yeah Innika is upstairs' She looks at me, then looks at her father and looks back at me again. She knew this was a lost cause, if she tried explaining her question that would make it worse, for her. At this point she was staring at me may be hoping for intelligent words to come out of my mouth. Her dad, sensing the awkwardness jumped in to translate. So what she actually asked was if Kicky could come over to her place for the evening. So imagine her surprised when my answer to that was 'Yeah, she is upstairs!'
I fled the scene, feigning 'late to work' syndrome.

This morning when I dropped off Kicky, one kid asked me if we were from England because we spoke English. I managed to hold a conversation for about two minutes, telling them in brief that we were from India and that there was no language called Indian (Indisk in norsk). Then they had me say something in 'Indian' (I give up!). Post that, there was that confused look and awkward silence again. That was my cue.

Also, you know how some people are suddenly extra nice when they talk to a kid. Yeah, that's not me. I can't fake affection (ask my husband). And kids are really smart; if you fake it, they know it. So I am down to playing it cool, speak when I am spoken to and not bother a seemingly busy kid. Else, my face will show that its being overworked with fake emotion and I might remind the kids of Chucky that weird killer doll. Oh wait, theres a new kid on the block in that department, Annabelle was it?