F'art' on the Underground

I could give Transport for London another cause to campaign for or against for that matter, 'Fart on the Underground'.
Sorry, to kill the joke by explaining and dissecting this one, but here: Art on the Underground
Yet another time this was happening; someone decided to break wind and nearly had me knocked out.

Do you think it would be a good idea to pull the emergency alarm? This is an emergency right, you're practically trying to commit suicide by cutting off your air supply. Also, you don't want to breathe through your mouth for fear of contracting a rare disease caused by mysterious gases.

And it's the silent one's that are the killers. You don't know who the hell did it and only have to hope that another fatal one is not let loose.

But maybe it's not so bad, because when you're actually in between life and death you can play a little game of what did the damned wind breaker have for dinner; Mexican or Indian?

On one underground journey I was reminded of school, when we did the experiment with Hydrogen Sulphide and the result was not exactly Chanel No.5.

I think I have to get myself one of those famous SARS masks, for emergencies like these.

Though I've tried to make sense of it and actually find some 'Art on the Underground' I have come across none except it's evil twin brother. So TFL, what do you say, want to run another campaign?

Any Good News?

Now that I am married people have only one question for me, 'Any good news?'

My Grandma keeps asking my Mom that, fully aware that I am in London and without my husband. Does she not trust me at all or does she think all births are courtesy Lord God from above via a miracle.

And canoodling over the phone has got no one pregnant yet. (What?! Come on, we're all adults here.)

A neighbour who I don't talk to much and who I happened to see at Froth on Top in Mangalore went out of his way just to ask me this question.
He: "Hey, any good news?"
Me: "Like what from the Bible?" (that was a bad joke I know, but what do you expect)
He: "Hey come on ya, you know what I mean."
Me: "Just because I am married..."
He: "Err.. no I thought..."
Me: "Well, I am just getting fat, I am not pregnant."
There I said it and he disappeared. Probably the first time a girl has ever told him that.

And it works the other way round too. If I say, "I have some good news to tell you", the chorus response is "Are you preganant?"
I agree motherhood is a charm and yes, in some ways it is a miracle, something so big coming out of something so small.

But when did blood and screaming and pain that wants to make you kill yourself ever become good news.

Of course, then there are some who ask you the question knowing it's not good news at all. "I went through hell so when is your turn?" That's "Any good news?" with an unheard snicker and evil laugh in the background.

There are also some 'nice people', who don't know how to mind their own business and want some good news or the other all the time. "Any good news? She's going to turn thirty next year, isn't she? Is something wrong with her?" All said in one breath.

So, the 'Good News' will come in it's own good time, maybe the stork will deliver it. Till then, I am going to watch those beers that are giving me that pregnant glow and growing tummy.

Then What?: Conversations of an Old Married Couple

Well, we're not an old couple per se but have been long enough with each other to be called an old couple, since we're not new anymore.
A friend of mine tells me, 'You know we don't have that spark anymore', he and his girlfriend of course; and that was reason enough for them to break up, to go in search of new sparks.
I was torn between being jealous and judgmental, especially when the highlight of your conversation with your other half is 'Then what?'
I should start counting the number of times we say it because then that would give us something more to talk about.

Ever realise that when we were dating and 'seeing' each other we used the phone so much it probably looked like something growing out of your head. We had stuff to talk about all night. Also, staying on line (the phone line) to just hear each other breathe was romantic but now that would have me worried about the phone bill and give me a splitting headache.

Friends who were not 'seeing' anyone at the time would ask, 'What do you guys talk about, that too so much?' Thinking back now, I can't imagine either.
I guess we talk it all out during the dating period and when we're finally married we've exhausted our conversation reserves.
Of course, we exchange how our day went but since neither of us has a secret identity and does not turn into wonder woman by night, topics for conversation can be bleak.

I think the whole point of marriage is so that couples can be together without having to make conversation. Since we see each other everyday anyway, there's no need to talk. It's obviously more complicated when you're married and staying apart because you have to chose between showing your husband that you love him and a possible hernia in your brain which is triggered by the possible barrage of 'Then whats'.

Oh well, I am just waiting to start living with him again, for two reasons. I will be saved from the evil hernia-generating 'Then whats' and I can let him know that I love him with just a grunt.